Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad (Book Review)

Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad (Book Review)

by | Nov 27, 2024

You’ll love it if
you need a loving but firm attitude adjustment for the hard times of motherhood

This book review contains affiliate links. Here’s my disclosure policy.

Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad: The Perspective Shift That Could Completely Change the Way You Mother

By Abbie Halberstadt

Information
Inspiration
Writing Craft
Moral Value

One small book for moms. One giant leap for momkind.

Abbie is so encouraging—even when she’s serving up scriptural truths that taste more like cabbage than candy. She is solid, and this book is solid. I wasn’t sure how much she could possibly say on this topic, but I knew that I needed to read it because I loved M Is for Mama so much.

This was a quick listen on audio and a total shot in the arm. I will say something: Even though I listened to this on audio straight through in maybe three days flat, I think that I would benefit greatly from reading a page or two a day in print. The book (as well as MIFM) is so fantastic and necessary that I’d benefit from a daily dose.

Abbie (homeschool mom of 10) proclaims that hard is not the same thing as bad. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad and you should remove it from your life.

On the other hand, just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s good and sanctifying and needs to stay.

Abbie doesn’t minimize the truly hard things. She describes growing up with her dad who was undiagnosed bipolar for many years. She talks about mom friends who weren’t true friends. She talks about the very real challenges of having newborns, toddlers, and teens—even when they’re perfectly healthy and happy, they are hard!

Sometimes, we cannot do anything about the “hard” except patiently wait and hope for the day that God lifts the burden from our shoulders (or the day when we realize that we have increased in strength to the point where the load doesn’t feel heavy anymore). Other times, we can prayerfully take action to ease unnecessary hardships (or trade the “hard” of disobedience for the “hard” of obedience).

I love the chapter where she makes a distinction between “hard things” and “suffering.” They are not the same thing. Often, hard things we face as moms are “challenges” that we tackle and overcome with a hopefully positive result. Suffering is something else altogether. Abbie refuses to accept that motherhood is suffering. That mindset may FEEL true, but it’s NOT helpful, and I couldn’t agree more. I’m saying this from the perspective of someone who does often feel like I’ve sacrificed a lot to stay at home and homeschool my boys. I can make an idol of my so-called suffering, or I can put it into proper perspective and increase my joy and peace.

This book is high on inspiration and mindset—the whole book is about shifting perspective so that we, as moms, can invite God more fully into our hard days and even into our suffering. But, as always, she offers some practical action items to consider (but not too many that it’s overwhelming).

5
The Anxious Generation (Book Review)

The Anxious Generation (Book Review)

by | Jun 25, 2024

You’ll love it if
you’re worried about what smartphones and social media are doing to the kids

This book review contains affiliate links. Here’s my disclosure policy.

The Anxious Generation

By Jonathan Haidt

Information
Inspiration
Writing Craft
Moral Value

“Do NOT let your boys get Snapchat when they’re older!”

My 18-year-old niece said this to me a couple of days after I finished reading this book.

“I’ve never had Snapchat,” I said, “What is it?”

She told me about her brief but potent relationship with the app that ended in January of this year when she deleted it for good. Her story (which included lots of teen drama and unwanted nude photos) reinforced a lot of the issues and concerns that Haidt highlights in this book.

Jonathan Haidt says that, starting around 2010-ish, we began to replace a play-based childhood with a phone-based childhood, and it’s had disastrous results for kids, causing an increase in anxiety and depression.

This book is a must-read for parents who don’t want their kids to have smartphones or social media (too early) but they’re not quite sure why they want this. They’re not sure how to say no. They’re not sure if it’s right to say no.

Jonathan Haidt lays out research and stats, and he also says things that, to me, are common sense and don’t require scientific backing for me to believe them. (Example: Kids today aren’t given the same level of independence or allowed to engage in the same type of risky play that their parents enjoyed at the same age, and this hasn’t kept them safer or made them braver.)

I’m not a big fan of getting the government involved to make laws that could have implications down the road that we can’t predict, but I do love his suggestions for how parents and educators can band together outside of the law to change the ether surrounding phone use at home and at school.

He says that we need to protect kids online WAY more than we are now, and conversely, allow them WAY more independence in the real world than we do now. He suggests practical ways we can do both.

Let’s have the guts to be the parents that this generation needs!

5